Under His Desk, Continued
From Legalism to Love
By Karon Ruiz
In the late 1990s, I attended a women's conference that forever changed me. That night, the veil was lifted, and I felt the Father's love breaking through in the most unexpected way. Fear, which had long held me back, dissolved, and for the first time, I approached Him without hesitation.
It all happened during worship. As hundreds of women lifted their hands, storming heaven with praise, I found myself caught in a moment of divine revelation. In that sacred atmosphere, He gave me a picture—one that shattered the lies that had kept me bound. I felt lifted, unshackled, and free.
Worship had always had a way of melting my chains, but that night, it was more than just a song—it was liberation.
As I worshipped, a familiar image downloaded
into my mind—one we’ve all seen, etched into the
fabric of our American story.
President Kennedy sits behind the Resolute Desk
in the Oval Office, his expression thoughtful. Below
him, three-year-old John-John peeks out from the
open space beneath, unaware of the weight of
history surrounding him.
I stopped singing. Stunned.
"God, what are You showing me?" I whispered.
"Why this image? Why now, during worship?"
A glimpse.
Then, as quickly as the question formed, the
answer arrived—gentle, yet unmistakable.
"Karon… you can play under My desk whenever
you want."
Seriously. Those were His exact words.
President Kennedy often told the Secret Service to allow his children into the Oval Office whenever they wanted. If the most powerful man in the western world would give full access to his children, why wouldn’t God?
It’s when I’m lying in a troubled mess, stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark pit — it is there — God shows Himself to be Who He is. Kind, loving, my kinsman
redeemer, my loving Father, the One who grabs a hold of me. When we humble ourselves and ask to be rescued, He does. This theme of brokenness restored is woven in a novel I've published, called, Grace In The Shadows. My favorite verse, Isaiah 42:3 is threaded throughout the manuscript. It's speaks of God's compassion for the broken.
To understand that the Lord will not snuff out my smoldering wick or break off my bruised reed gives me such hope! Life can be harsh, dealing most of us blows to our spirit. Some of us less than others, but most of us have injuries of one type or other. Sometimes those injuries can distort who God truly is. I hope you are not like me, taking a lifetime to encounter the true and loving Father behind the veil. God is waiting to show us long, lingering gazes early on instead of momentary glimpses of His face.
I finish this article with an excerpt link from the aforementioned novel I finished in 2018. Throughout most of the book, Dalton Baxter struggles believing God loves him. Writing this story helped me to begin the process of untwisting the lies Satan planted in my life. I admit I have a long way to go. I edited some sections from the original as I don’t want to reveal the plot. Using online form, please feel free to give me some feedback if you’d like. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Karon Ruiz