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Under His Desk, Continued

From Legalism to Love

By Karon Ruiz

Back To CCA         GITS Home         About The Author        Under His Desk       GITS Excerpt

I attended a woman’s conference in the late 1990’s where the veil was lifted. I could see the Father. His love for me broke through in the most unusual way. Unlike my earthly father, I wasn’t afraid to approach Him. All because of a picture He gave me during worship. Surrounded by hundreds of women, hands raised, storming heaven with praise and worship, I felt lifted, freed from the lies that had continued to limit me. Worship always had a way of melting my chains.

As I worshipped a familiar image

downloaded into my brain.


You’ve seen it. We all have. It’s one of

those iconic moments in our American story. President Kennedy sits behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office while three year-old John-John peers from the opening below.


I stopped singing. Stunned.


What are you showing me God? I asked.

Why this image? Why now during worship?


 A glimpse.


Then as quickly as I asked Him, His

answer came: "Karon… you can play

under My desk whenever you want."


Seriously. Those were His exact words.


President Kennedy was known to tell the Secret Service to allow his children into the Oval Office whenever they skipped down the White House’s marbled halls. If the most powerful man in the western world would give full access to his children, why wouldn’t God?


Years after this incident, God reminded me of this as I watched my grandchildren. They'd often spent the night with us on weekends and my husband would give them a home tour. They'd investigate the backyard or explore tools or tinker with gadgets in the office.

The kids act like our home belongs to them. It does. Like little John-John, they each have unquestioned access, feeling safe and loved in our presence.

If we can love our grandchildren this way, why have I doubted the safety of God’s loving arms?


It’s when I’m lying in a troubled mess, stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark pit — it is there — God shows Himself to be Who He is. Kind, loving, my kinsman redeemer, my loving Father, the One who grabs a hold of me. When we humble ourselves and ask to be rescued, He does. This theme of brokenness restored is woven in a novel I've published, called, Grace In The Shadows. My favorite verse, Isaiah 42:3 is threaded throughout the manuscript. It's speaks of God's compassion for the broken.

To understand that the Lord will not snuff out my smoldering wick or break off my bruised reed gives me such hope! Life can be harsh, dealing most of us blows to our spirit. Some of us less than others, but most of us have injuries of one type or other. Sometimes those injuries can distort who God truly is. I hope you are not like me, taking a lifetime to encounter the true and loving Father behind the veil. God is waiting to show us long, lingering gazes early on instead of momentary glimpses of His face.


I finish this article with an excerpt link from the aforementioned novel I finished in 2018. Throughout most of the book, Dalton Baxter struggles believing God loves him. Writing this story helped me to begin the process of untwisting the lies Satan planted in my life. I admit I have a long way to go. I edited some sections from the original as I don’t want to reveal the plot. Using online form, please feel free to give me some feedback if you’d like. Thank you for taking the time to read this.


Karon Ruiz

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